Making Peace With Imperfection

(Book Study:  Ten Habits of Happy Mothers by Meg Meeker - Habit #2)

I want to reflect on a comment made by one mom this week that the pressure to be perfect affects our view of motherhood.  Motherhood appears scary and difficult when we feel pressure to be perfect.  As a mother, especially with a large family and children with special needs, I experience the pressure daily, and I doubt that any mom is immune to it.  We feel pressure to be thin, beautiful, and smart, and to have children that are as well.  There is pressure to give our children every opportunity - music lessons, competitive sports, service clubs, the best schools, etc.  And the pressure starts early - every child needs preschool.  To provide a safe, loving home is just not quite enough by present standards.  So we feel pressure to meet our children’s every need or want, and when we can't, we perceive ourselves as failures.  However, this pressure doesn't come from God.  His plan for us and our children is rather simple - to know, love, and serve Him.  

Perfection affects our views of friendships as well.  The pressure to be perfect contributes to competition and jealousy when we believe that some other mother is "winning" and we are "losing".  And competition and jealousy make it very difficult to develop and maintain healthy relationships that provide balance to the difficulties that arise with parenting.  I believe that friendships are difficult because they are not only personal and intimate, but often fragile as well.  When we most need the comfort and support of other mothers, we are afraid to seek it because we don't want to appear weak.  To admit our imperfections to others is to be real and transparent.  And this transparency is essential to developing healthy relationships that can support our efforts to be the type of mothers that God wants.  Remember that it is God who created us as communal beings, and even founded one Church as an expression of our unity.  He calls us to rid ourselves of the desire for perfection so that we can develop and maintain healthy friendships.  This process begins when we identify, acknowledge, and thank God for our gifts.  Only then can we use our gifts, and discover that we are exactly who God wants us to be.   

St. Valentine's Day Ideas

If you are looking for creative Catholic ideas for celebrating St. Valentine's Day (or other Feast days), check out these sites:


Catholic Icing 


Three Sided Wheel


Equipping Catholic Families

Friends

(Book Study:  The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers by Meg Meeker – Habit #2)

I am struggling to put my thoughts into words, so for now I will share a quote that touched me deeply.

“Mothers are forced to live deeply.  From the moment our children are born, terror strikes our hearts in a new way. . . . Having children keeps us from pretending that life is easy and cushy.  And the stark reality that it can be quite cruel hits us square in the face.  And that is probably the most compelling reason why we mothers who want to do more than simply survive need other mothers as friends who understand the undercurrent of angst we can feel.  Friends help us to thrive in the midst of emotional tumult and cold.”


What is your favorite quote?

Too Funny Not to Share

I saw this and thought of all of us.

The Catholic Imagination

(Book Study:  Ten Habits of Happy Mothers by Meg Meeker - Habit #1)

“People have fallen into a foolish habit of speaking of orthodoxy as something heavy, humdrum and safe.  There never was anything so perilous or so exciting as orthodoxy.”

G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy

Over the past two weeks, I read and then reread Habit #1 and completed the three steps for learning this habit, but even now I don’t feel that I have mastered it.  During the same time, my college age son shared with me his enthusiasm and fascination for the stories of his history professor.  These stories, drawn from a blend of Christian and Eastern spiritualities,  reflect the professor’s belief in an impending post historical period of fulfillment, which appeals to idealistic, adventuresome young people.  And finally, this past weekend, a Christian friend who wants to join the Catholic Church asked me why Catholics celebrate the Sabbath on Sunday and call Mary the Mother of God. 

In my view, there is one thread running through these three unrelated events – the importance of the Sacramental Imagination (or Catholic imagination).  The Sacramental imagination recognizes that the material elements in our world point to a divine reality.  As Catholics, we just see things differently.  And it is this imagination that allows us to believe in the true presence of Jesus in the Eucharist, the communion of saints, and Mary as the Mother of God, and helps us see Christianity as something altogether amazing. 

But, in recent years, the Catholic imagination has been on the decline.  Even Catholics find it harder to believe in those things that make us unique within Christianity.  And it is this demise that is, at least in part, responsible for the exodus of Catholics from the Church.  Catholics are more likely to leave the Church because it does not meet their spiritual needs then because they disagree with particular doctrines of the Faith.  In essence, they are looking for excitement, and finding Catholicism rather boring.

If, as Chesterton believed, Christianity is something very exciting and even dangerous, then perhaps we have failed in our expression of it.  Whereas once, Parishes celebrated the Liturgy of the Hours or held processions on the Feast of Corpus Christi, we might not even be familiar with these things.  This is true is large part because we are too busy.  When our days are full of work, school, sports, music practice, and appointments, there is little time left for the cultural aspects of the Faith.  By accepting the secular culture as our own, we have left our own to die. 

If the Catholic Church contains the fullness of the Faith (as she teaches), then we do not need to look any further for adventure and excitement.  With this in mind, I would like to start a dialogue.  How can we renew the Sacramental Imagination and express the richness of the Catholic Faith to draw others, including our children, to the Church?

Coping

Since this our group blog and I discuss most of this stuff with you I'm feeling the need to "talk" about the 2 deaths I've encountered this last month. 

I can honestly say that I am at peace.  This may sound weird, but a year or two ago I might not have handled this last month well.  The death of a neighbor's baby to SIDS and the sudden death of a college friend are enough to send anyone into a deep bout with questions.  Questioning why God could allow for such events.  Why does one family, mine, get to enjoy our beautiful baby boy while our neighbors lose their little girl at 2 months?  Why does a 32 year old have a stroke? Why does it claim his life after days of body improvements and hope from his family?  These are the questions that can easily shake someones faith. 

However, with the discussions we've had I am not focusing on these unanswerable questions. I know that God has a plan for all of us.  I also know that death was not in God's initial plan.  This is why we should all strive to live a holy, peaceful, sin free and full life.  I know easier said than done. But all worth striving for.  And if not now...at least we have purgatory. Right? 

I'm choosing to focus on the love I feel for both of my children.  I'm feeling blessed to have the family I do.  Prayer for the mother, father, and big brother of the baby is what I'm focusing on for my neighbors. (I also had to make them dinner during the initial grieving process because that's what I do. This is why the 2nd chapter we're on right now describes me!)

Instead of focusing in on the loss of a life far too soon, I'm remembering the joy I felt with my friend Eli! His life touched so many.  His talents and humor were never unnoticed.  He had a way of lighting up any room he was in.  He didn't even have to be in a room for the environment to feel a little brighter.  I morn for his family! As a mother I now empathize with his mother.  How hard must it be for her to be in the spot she is now?  But then I think, she was blessed with 32 years of joy with her son.  This is more than many other receive. 

Thank you for the lessons I've learned from other mothers of faith.  I hope that as we all cope with losses in our lives we will continue to focus on the joys and the great mysteries that surround us.

Summary

At our meeting yesterday, we discovered that recognizing and acknowledging our value as mothers is not an easy task.  First, we often don't know what we do well, and second, we don't want to appear boastful.  Anyway, I urge you to continue to look for your strengths and to admit them at least to yourselves (for now).  In the next chapter, the author encourages us to develop friendships with other women, and to do so requires some transparency.  I don't think that it is by accident that the author chose this order.  And before you begin reading Habit #2, I suggest that you grab a box of tissues.